Paradox Interactive released a massive patch for Crusader Kings 3 but while listing all the changes would be too much, we picked out 45 funny highlights.
Sims already had their fun with silly patch notes and it's time for Crusader Kings 3 now. If you want to see the entire block of text that is masquerading as mere patch notes , you can do so on the official forums.
However, if you would just like a few funny highlights, we've got you covered. These should be especially funny if you're not a CK3 player and just read them out of context:
- Vassals of vassals are now able to declare war on vassals of their liege's liege
- When your spouse is also your heir in your latest save, we don't clone them to show them twice in the main menu
- A Head of Faith will no longer forsake their religion if your spouse is charming enough
- A faction will no longer courteously greet you before calling you a tyrant
- A zealous character will now sweat a bit about committing adultery
- Added a 10 year cooldown to childhood events if the child decides to kill the animal instead of adopting it
- Updated conditions for rival in seduction events so they don't bonk you in the head while imprisoned
- Babies will no longer be assigned commander traits through a yearly event
- Barons married to other landed characters will no longer be naked
- Blocked the seduction of characters who are imbeciles or incapable
- Child preacher in event must be of age 4 or older
- Children are no longer encouraged to pick up more spouses
- Children can no longer be educated by hardened criminals
- Children can no longer start a literalist debate
- Children, imprisoned, and incapable vassals can no longer demand that you host a feast
- Compassionate character are now told that blackmailing people is stressful
- Devouring people will now have a clearer impact on your stress level
- Head of Faith looks at incest as a divorce reason based on faith's doctrines
- Historical characters will no longer be their own parent
- If people start to murder your courtiers the experience will now be much smoother
- If you instantly regret romancing someone the game will now accept that you've moved on
- If you promise a vassal to educate their child they will now be miffed if you try to return the child
- Infertile spouses will now no longer wish each other 'a long life and many children'
- It's now possible to negotiate an alliance even if your family is very inbred
- Lowborn bastards no longer try to belong to a House
- Married couples will no longer be exposed as if they have an affair if they're also lovers
- Naughty children go straight to jail with no education
- People are now less eager to marry people they are terrified off
- People that are terrified of you are now more likely to agree to marriage, as long as they don't have to marry you
- People will no longer judge you harshly for breaking a betrothal to an Eunuch
- Physicians are no longer in two places at once when sick
- Sick characters now dress the part
- Sneaky people will now wear sneaky clothes
- The Catholic Pope now wears the correct clothes
- The Pope can no longer publicly accept cannibalism
- Two players having a child together will no longer have a screaming competition about the name
- Women will now be punished for having too few consorts
- You are no longer malnourished and obese for life
- You can no longer demand liberty from a chill liege
- You can no longer lose a friend you didn't have [AltChar note: Boy does this one hit hard]
- You can no longer owe a favor to yourself because of a necklace
- You can no longer remove your vassal's guardians all nilly willy
- You no longer is the real father, you ARE the real father!
- You wife will now leave your kids behind if she flees your tyranny
- You will no longer be stressed out if a spouse you dislike dies
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