alexametrics
Opinion

We need to talk about Valheim's Troll Hide problem

Published: 12:45, 30 March 2021
AltChar
Valheim screenshot showing trolls head and troll hide
Valheim - Troll hide illustration

So what are we supposed to do with all that Troll Hide in Valheim? Once you get yourself a shiny Troll armour set, these become pretty pointless. Can we at least have a troll hide rug to make?

Troll hide. Blue. Thick. Lovely. Maybe you’ve made two sets of armour from it now, one for everyday use and one for the smart casual look when you’re doing a corpse run in a heavily contested area of the map, and can’t face the terror of sprinting nearly naked, smeared in the juice from that single strawberry you’ve grabbed to boost your health.

Maybe you’re well past that, and are clanking around in iron, treating trolls as the minor annoyance they eventually become and with chests full of that fine blue skin back at the base. 

Valheim players don’t like to waste stuff of course, and most of us end up hoarding stuff like a crazy cat lady. Hence we’d like to raise the issue of supply side trollonomics with Iron Gate.

To our most highly esteemed Richard Svensson and his team, we say, thank you for making this most wonderful game, thank you for reminding us what games that put gameplay first before everything else are like, thank you for giving us hope that the little guys can make it big in the industry and make us all happy.

But guys, guys – there’s a massive glut of troll hide out there. We’re awash with the stuff. It’s a bloody tidal wave caused by our endless peeling of dead trolls like they're meat satsumas. If we could convert it into Bitcoin, the market would crash.

Iron Gate valheim screenshot showing a ranger looking at distance How many Troll Armour sets does one actually need?

If a friend starts playing Valheim, the first thing you do is say “I’ll make you a suit of trollskin armour”. They think you’re doing them a favour, but we all know that’s a lie, and your motive isn’t one of generosity, it’s one of relief you can finally offload some of it.

So, we humbly ask, can we pretty please have a troll hide rug to make? You know it makes sense. We’re all very houseproud in Valheim, and a floor with some luxurious blue rugs on it, would, you know, really tie the room together. 

Deer rugs are great, in their place by the fire. so is Lox. Wolf is good – though they smell a bit when you spill your mead on them. 

But what says “Welcome Home” more than the cured blue hide of a monstrous mythical creature from Scandinavian folklore placed right inside the door when you finally return after a long day of clubbing, slashing and arrowing? Nothing.

Far from us to suggest any other uses, such as a sail to give extra speed, or some boots. No, we’d be fine with just a rug, for now.

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A man with an axe running through a forest in SCUM
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