Cruelty, malfeasance, wild speculation and unsubstantiated suspicion. Just some of the things that make AltChar's collective mind operate the machinery of gaming news like a AI-augmented polecat. Take our quiz of 2018. No, really, take it.
MORALITY
A runaway train is heading down a track with a two-way divide ahead. On one side is an immobilized car full of EA executives. On the other, an immobilized van full of politicians. You have a lever to divert the train. Which way will you send it?
a) A sense of pride and accomplishment.
b) A sense of pride and accomplishment.
c) A sense of pride and accomplishment.
PREDICTION
You are fourth in line for a hot dog. The man in front of you is quite large, and you can discern from his impatient yet impotent gestures that he is a gentle soul. He slowly turns around, smiles and says: "I've been standing in this line longer than you would believe." The man removes his orange-tinted sunglasses and you realise that it's Gabe Newell. What does this mean?
a) By the time you get to the stand, there will be no hot dogs left.
b) You should buy a boat.
c) Half-Life 3 confirmed.
AltChar
EXISTENCE
You have been granted a definitive answer to any one question you may have. Do you:
a) Ask about the meaning of life?
b) Ask why PlayStation 4 can't play Blu-Ray movies?
c) Ask why PlayStation 4 can't play Blu-Ray movies in an angry way?
LIFESTYLE
If you had to choose between playing World of Warcraft and your girlfriend, would you:
a) Roll a new class?
b) Change your faction to see what life is like on the other side?
c) What girlfriend?
DILEMMA
A promotional tour for Diablo III is in your town. Unfortunately, one of the trucks carrying material for the show hits a pedestrian who happens to be wearing a Red Shirt. You are on the spot. Do you:
a) Speculate idly on RNG and muse that life does indeed roll with a 1d100.
b) Render immediate assistance, informing the victim that: "I play a healer when my brother refuses to."
c) Shout loudly for someone to call an ambulance. "Do you guys not have phones!!!!?"
FUTUROLOGY
Star Citizen Online finally launches in 2065. Do you:
a) Hope the subscription to both your account and your cryogenic reactivation contract are up to date.
b) Ask your Chinese employer if you can take one of your two annual days off to play it?
c) Be thankful that your nVidia CTX900800tii-i-o can get a steady 30 FPS?
AltChar
MARKETING
YouTube Rewind is filming in your town. Do you:
a) Perform a Fortnite dance in front of the camera.
b) Cringe until your teeth fall out.
c) Subscribe and downvote.
CAREERS
You are one of the millions of people who hope to make untold riches from being a streamer. Do you:
a) Do this because you know you have the skills, star power, vocal delivery and presence to make a success.
b) Have the required "physical attributes"?
c) Have a sense of optimism that is so immune to reality that you feel you could coat ice-cream with it for the purposes of atmospheric re-entry?
ECONOMICS
Brexit 2020 is a new open-world survival game under sporadic development. In the game, you play as one of three factions: the Realists, the Unrealists and the Really Realists. You must select a currency for your faction to use. Is it:
a) Valuable toilet paper (instead of the standard tree bark).
b) Versatile turnips.
c) The pickled skull of Jacob Rees-Mogg.
AltChar
SPECULATION
Who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp and in addition,
who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?
a) This
.
b) If PewDiePie is of a certain intolerant persuasion, why does he live in the lovely and ultra-liberal
c) This
.
Scoring
Mostly a): You are Activision. You will survive, but you won't like it
Mostly b): You are Bethesda. The font you are reading this in is a lower quality version of our normal font.
Mostly c): You are EA. When you whisper in the devil's ear, he smiles.
